Q & A
Q & A Discussion: Margaret Feinberg
A few men in my small group don't respect me as a leader because I am a woman. What can I do to change this?
| Topics: | Gender differences, Leadership, Respect, Sexism |
| Filters: | Facilitator, Group Leader, Host, Lead, Teacher |
| Purpose: | Discipleship |
| References: | None |
| Date Added: | November 07, 2011 |
I know some males struggle to accept female leaders (and some females struggle to accept male leaders) but I gently need to ask you, Are you sure it's because you're a woman? Sometimes when we don't have someone's respect it's easy to point to an issue like age or gender or race, but we need to prayerfully consider if there's another reason. Maybe we haven't earned the person's respect. Maybe we haven't taken the role we've been given seriously enough. Maybe there's an underlying issue of forgiveness. Maybe we haven't done our homework, shown up on time, or prepared properly. Maybe we aren't working to grow our leadership skills—including areas of weakness. Maybe we aren't honest about our own shortcomings.
I'd encourage you to leverage this as an opportunity to grow as a leader. First, take time to invest and build a stronger relationship with him in appropriate ways. Celebrate his successes. Thank the men in your group for the contributions they make. When you feel like you've built some level of rapport, consider letting one or two specific guys in the group know you're really working on growing and becoming a better small-group leader. Do they have any suggestions? You may discover some areas of weakness, but you may also be surprised to discover they like you as a leader and have other issues that are affecting their attitudes.
You may also discover that the person may not respect you as a woman leader. How do you respond? Pray for grace. God may be at work in this person's life in unexpected ways. Also pray for blessing for this person—so that your own heart doesn't become hardened.
In addition, one of the best ways to combat this is by being excellent at what you do! Go the extra mile while preparing for lessons. Read websites and resources that will help you grow as a small-group leader. Gender may be an issue for someone else, but it doesn't need to be one for you. Be a great small-group leader—love, serve, nurture, and cultivate community while drawing people closer to Christ.
—Margaret Feinberg, www.margaretfeinberg.com, is author of six-week Bible studies The Organic God, The Sacred Echo, and Scouting the Divine. Her newest Bible studies are Pursuing God's Love: Stories from the Book of Genesis and Pursuing God's Beauty: Stories from the Gospel of John. Become a fan on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.
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Dean, in those same 2,000 years of church history that you mention, I see many women leaders--from Acts to the desert mothers and beyond. Perhaps you mean more recent church history--specifically Western church history?
If men don't respect your leadership as a woman, the thing you can do to change it is to lead a group of women. Both you and the men would be more at peace about the arrangement knowing you've taken a stand against the popular shifting sands of evangelical feminism, and instead stand on the solid foundation of the Word of God and 2,000 years of church history.
If you actually believe you can change people, that would explain why they don't respect you as a leader!
To be very honest it is possible that the men have a theological issue- an issue that can easily be backed up in scripture about women leading men. If this is the case it would be better for them to be in a different small group. It will not go away because of your actions (kindness, attention to detail in your lesson preparation) because it is something they are personally weighing as to its Biblical correctness.
I've led small groups for years, and always with women until two years ago. I got my first man from an Alpha group I had lead at church, which had men, but is very different from a home group. I was very comfortable with him. His presence changed the tone of the group, which I appreciated, because women sometimes are harder to keep on track for me. We added a single man last year, who very quickly married a woman in the group, and that was fine. Then a married woman who attended alone last year, got her husband to come this year. I marvel that I once thought I would never want to lead men and God has given me three and it is great! Pray for confidence, read scriptures on it, and God will help you. You will gain their respect when you lead well. "strengthened with all power for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience." Bless you!
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