How Does a Small Group Help Us Change?

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Exploring how people conform to the image of Christ in community

Bill Search | posted 11/17/2008

Topics:	Imitating Christ, Maturity, Spiritual formation, Spiritual growth, Transformation
Filters:	Group Leader, Member, Pastor, Train
Purpose:	Discipleship
References:	Hebrews 10:25
Date Added:	November 17, 2008

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Small groups are often fun and engaging, but how does a group help us change in ways that really matter? I want to suggest that God typically uses three things in a healthy group to facilitate our spiritual development. A healthy group helps each person change when we are honest, when we apply the Scriptures, and when we listen to other believers.

Honesty

We need to be real and be honest if we want to become more like Christ. If we want the group to help us with a particular sin habit, we should be able to talk about that. If we want the group to help us understand the Bible, we should be honest that we aren't biblically literate. If we are having a hard time establishing spiritual disciplines like prayer and personal Bible reading, we should ask others in the group for help.

We should be honest with ourselves and with others if we want them to help us change. If we live in a community of people who hide and cover their faults, we won't be able to help them. We should invite our fellow group members to show us who they really are. From financial problems to sexual addictions to an insatiable need to gossip to a burning resentment toward an ex-spouse, most of us have issues that we would be horrified if others knew. But as long as we hide our real issues, we probably won't change much.

Garry Poole, author of Seeker Small Groups, likes to start new groups by asking the participants, "If you could ask God one question, what would it be?" He hands out slips of paper and asks each group member to write down the question, then he spends the next several weeks working through those questions. That's one way to communicate that we are serious about talking about what's really on our minds.

I wonder how many people have great questions that they are afraid to ask. Have you wondered any of the following?

If David was a man after God's own heart, why did he have a tendency to be a womanizer?
Why does God seem nicer in the New Testament than he does in the Old?
If God wants us to pray, why doesn't he answer my prayers?
If God takes care of his followers, doesn't he realize that Christians in the developing world have it bad?

Those are big questions. However, most of the honest questions are closer to home.

Can I pursue justice and a large screen LCD TV at the same time?
Is it OK to tithe off my net income or should it be off my gross income?
Is it materialistic to hold out for a leather interior in a car?
Can I love people who hurt me and at the same time avoid them?

Of course, I should note that we can have honesty in our groups at different levels. Honesty doesn't mean we share every thought with every person in the group. But we can model and encourage group members to grow through honestly sharing where they are at spiritually and let them express where they would like to be.

Apply the Scriptures

Small groups also help people change as they open up the Scriptures and apply them to day-to-day life. My friend Darcy is a bright, young career professional with an amazing sense of humor. She's s a superb storyteller and can hold the attention of any room. But her humor had a dark side. She would often explain that her words came out before she really thought about them. Sometimes it was no big deal, but from time to time she would accidentally put others down or offend people. It bothered her, but she didn't really know what to do about the dark side of her humor.

One evening her group dove into a discussion of James 3, a text that describes the power of our words. James's letter rang in her ears. Her group was keenly aware of her quick wit and sharp tongue, but they had grown accustomed to it. Actually, the real truth was that they had learned to avoid it. For some reason, on this evening, Darcy seemed ready to surrender her mouth to Jesus.

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