Cracking the Leadership Code

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Take these steps to care for small-group leaders and keep them functioning well.

by Brett Eastman | posted 2/14/2005

Topics:	Developing, Empowering, Guidance, Leadership, Servanthood, Shepherding
Filters:	Coach, Connect, Director, Pastor
Purpose:	Discipleship
References:	Matthew 10:29-31
Date Added:	February 14, 2005

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Sally had been leading a small group for a few months when Jane, her small group coach, called her. Sally thought, That's her job to call me; she really doesn't care, and consequently, didn't connect with her. A week later, Jane called again. This time Sally thought she was really nice but was still just doing her job.

Jane had to call Sally eight times before she believed Jane actually cared and wanted a relationship with her. As a leader, Sally was slow to warm up, slow to trust, and a little insecure. Had Jane given up on try seven, Sally may have given up on leadership and missed out on an edifying relationship with Jane. Jane went the distance and never gave up.

As a small group champion, you can never give up on your leaders. Stay as faithful as possible when ministering to your leaders. At the height of your frustration, you may think, These people don't need me, but they do. In order to minister to them, though, you have to crack their heart's code. To use the worn phrase, people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Following the acronym MINISTER will help you show your leaders how much you care.

Make them feel loved. People won't be interested in instruction, tools, and nifty tips until they know you care about them.

What are some things we can do? Call, send a loving e-mail, write a personal note or card, or send an instant message. Grab lunch together. Bring them a meal or mow their lawn if they just had a baby. Baby-sit when they need a break. It's as simple as asking, "How can I serve you?" It's a bit different for everyone, and since you're not a mind reader, just ask.

Include them in something on a weekly basis. If you send out a broadcast e-mail to all of your leaders, don't expect them to feel personally cared for. However, they will feel your care if you send them a personal e-mail—one that shares a little bit about what God is doing in your life, a devotional, or a Bible verse that you sense God wanted them to hear. Openness elicits openness.

If you don't receive a reply, call or set up a lunch date. When you connect, be "all ears": listen to their spiritual story, hear the latest and greatest of what's going on in their group, and let them share their prayer requests. If you get an answering machine, as goofy as it sounds, try leaving a prayer, which lets them know you're praying for them.

Insist on praying in the moment. I used to tell people, "I'll pray for you"—and then forget. One person encouraged me to stop and pray right at that moment. Even if you're on the phone, ask if you can pray for them right then and there.

However, in order to pray for them, you need to be connected with them. One of the most practical ways you can do this is by visiting their groups. You might think, "Visit their groups? They don't want me to come." Arrive a half-hour early, talk with the leader, and see how you can support him. When the group convenes, say, "I want to take a moment to pray for your leader and ask God to continue to bless him as he leads you." That prayer shows your dependence on God and your desire to bless your leader with God's strength.

During your leadership huddles, it's also important to model praying in the moment. Coaches often come prepared with an agenda, but you can toss the agenda when someone is in need. As a group, rise up, lay hands on the small group member, and pray for her right then and there.

Share your hurts and hopes. When coaches do this, leaders are more likely to do so. It shows them you are an ordinary person, with similar pains and joys, and that you don't know the answer to every question they have. Let them know you struggle in your faith, have battles with your kids, have arguments in your marriage, and have problems at work.

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