Danger Signs

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Understanding wisdom and pride in the context of small groups

Seth Widner | posted 2/08/2010

Topics:	Confrontation, Controversy, Group dynamics, Neediness, Pride, Problems, Sin, Temptation
Filters:	Coach, Group Leader, Men, New leader, Pastor, Train, Women
Purpose:	Ministry
References:	Proverbs 2:6 , Proverbs 16:18
Date Added:	February 08, 2010

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I love a good quote! If you have ever visited my office or Facebook page, you can easily recognize that truth. Let me share one of my favorites with you: "Wisdom is the quality that keeps you from getting into situations where you need it."

Living Above Reproach

In order to be wise, we must live our lives on the prevent side of things. Fortunately, wisdom is available to every follower of Christ. Proverbs 2:6 says, "For the LORD gives wisdom and from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding." It is crucial for small-group leaders to walk in Christ's wisdom. Our life holds the reputation of Christ, his Church, our family, and our friends. We must never place ourselves in a situation that can harm our reputation, our witness, or our mission.

Kevin was a small-group leader at his church. Throughout his life, he had earned a great reputation and his group was connecting well. Kevin was especially passionate about his prayer life. He made it a point to have his group hold hands and pray at the end of every gathering. One evening, Kevin noticed that a young woman named Jessica made it a point to stand next to him during prayer time. She casually moved all the way across the room to hold his hand. The next week, the same thing happened. Kevin also began to get e mails from Jessica, asking him to pray for things she couldn't bring up in the group. Although Kevin was not comfortable with this, he didn't share this truth with her.

Over the next couple of weeks, Kevin's group noticed Jessica making it a point to hold Kevin's hand. Kevin's wife told him that she was very uncomfortable with Jessica's apparent motives. Kevin would simply laugh it off and assure his wife that nothing was going on. Kevin wanted to make sure that everyone in the group felt loved—both the men and the women. One evening when Kevin's wife was out of town, Jessica dropped by for a visit. She said that she needed prayer and support. One thing led to another. Ultimately, Kevin found himself without his wife or his small group.

As leaders, we will all experience awkward situations. We must keep our eyes open and be prepared to be above reproach. A good person in the wrong place appears to be a bad person.

Practice the following tips in living above reproach:

Trust in God and never in yourself. Never believe that you are strong enough to stand up to temptation. Pride always comes before a fall.
Do not minister or counsel with someone of the opposite sex behind closed doors or alone. Make a plan to communicate.
Avoid situations that would cause people to question your character.

The Crippling Power of Pride

Of course, the thing that most often prevents us from exercising wisdom is pride. Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall." Pride prevents people from being transformed into the likeness of Christ. It forces people to live under a lie. Prideful people believe that they are self sufficient, not needing anybody's help for anything. They keep others at a relational distance from themselves, not letting anyone close to their hearts.

Leslie has been attending her journey group for five months now. She is faithful in her attendance and is always willing to help in anyway that she can. At first glance, her journey group leaders thought that she would make a great apprentice for them. But over time, they noticed some red flags. Although Leslie seems to talk during the beginning of their gatherings and even during the meal-time, she becomes very quiet during the discussions—especially during the application questions. She seems distant from the group and appears uncomfortable. Her leaders also noticed that she never offers personal prayer requests. She is quick to listen to other peoples' requests, but never shares her own. Leslie's small-group leaders believe that she may be suffering from pride.

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sankarasilverlyne1@yahoo.co.uk

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Anonymous

February 24, 2010 3:11pm

I agree with you, february 24th comment. The subtle signs are often hard to see. I pray this article serves as a motivation to open our eyes to any possible dangers. In most cases, an extreme situation doesn't come out of left field. It normally builds over time, slowly.

Anonymous

February 24, 2010 4:24am

I think the title was very appropriate. We need to be actively looking for danger signs in our small groups. Don't be lukewarm!! The examples are great especially looking at how the first was so obvious a sign to the leader's wife but not him. We can all miss the signs if we aren't looking! In the second example, I may have missed the pride also, but I really liked the huge implication associated with such sudtle pride. What other sudtle hints are we missing? And what is the impact if we miss the signs?!

Anonymous