" … Love one another … " John 13:34
"Be devoted to one another … Honor one another above yourselves." Romans 12:10
"Live in harmony with one another." Romans 12:16
"Accept one another … " Romans 15:7
" … Instruct one another." Romans 15:14
"Greet one another … " Romans 16:16
" … Agree with one another … "1 Corinthians 1:10
"Serve one another in love." Galatians 5:13
"Be patient, bearing with one another in love." Ephesians 4:2
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other … " Ephesians 4:32
"Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs." Ephesians 5:19
"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." Ephesians 5:21
" … Teach and admonish one another with all wisdom … " Colossians 3:16
"Encourage one another daily … " Hebrews3: 13
"Spur one another on toward love and good deeds." Hebrews 10:24
Brothers, do not slander one another." James 4:11
"Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other … " James 5:16
"Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling." 1 Peter 4:9
"All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another … " 1 Peter 5:5
" … Have fellowship with one another … " 1 John 1:7
Wow, what a list! I count 23 do's and one don't. How in this world are we supposed to live like that with other Christ-followers? Isn't this hard enough to do with our own families? What if I just do not like some people in my community? What were Jesus and His disciples thinking? Do I not recall a few spats among the 12 even when Jesus was around? And didn't they continue to have conflict after he left? Of course they did.
By now you realize hopefully that I am being a bit facetious. Ok, a lot facetious. The truth is the disciples were human just like you and I. They did not always get along just as we do not always get along with "one another." How then do we "flesh out" these "one another's" in our small group life? Take a look at this list again. There are some high expectations of us who follow Christ with how we treat one another. How do we love, honor, accept, serve, bear with, be kind to, forgive, submit to, teach and admonish, encourage, spur, confess to, offer hospitality, have fellowship with one another? This is a tall order. It is going to take some serious effort and intentionality. Yet, how do we do it?
At this point, I thought about rattling off a practical list of behaviors we can engage in like:
- Connect with group members regularly with cards, calls and socials
- Prepare meals for those who are ill or hospitalized
- Celebrate birthdays and anniversaries
- Meet weekly in gender-based accountability groups
- Etc … etc … etc …
But I just feel we need more than that. For me doing real community is so much more than that. Do not get me wrong, I believe those tangible acts of grace and love toward one another are important. But I have discovered that people want and need more. Real community is going to be tough at times. It may involve some tough love confrontation, gut-check confession, submitting to someone's strengths, accepting or being kind to someone we don't like, walking with someone through the darkest pit of their life.
We must be willing to engage our hearts and souls with the hearts and souls of others. We must be willing to live in ultimate authentic community. It is a deeper level of engaging in each other's soul. A "safe place" where everything about me is completely known in community. It requires vulnerability. This is where I give permission to those I trust to push back into my life and truly live out those one another's in my life—the good and the bad.
Oh, we are good at dressing the part of "Christian community" and demonstrating a surface commitment and connection. But so many times we miss out on really knowing one another and being known. As Larry Crabb wrote recently, "Authentic community should be a place where no one remains unknown, unexplored, undiscovered or untouched; where we discover our true selves, our passion for being a Christ follower, where people become spiritual friends."
That is where I live now in my community group. For most of my adult life that was not so. The path for me to get there required personal brokenness. That is what I think it is going to take for us to really live out these one another's, a coming to grips with our pride, personal sins, humanity and desperate need for a soul connection with God and other people. You see I lived on the surface a long time too. I got the T-shirt. But no more.
I have realized that I cannot keep functioning as a Christ follower by "doing" community with others. I operated for years out of my own capacities. God has blessed me with many gifts and talents to "do" Christian community. I am grateful for those gifts, but for too long I ignored the depth at which I needed to just "be" Christian community. I have learned that now and there is no other way I would rather live.
It was not easy to learn. I will say it again—it required brokenness. Four years ago, I went through the darkest pit of my life. I thought I would never get out. Because of God's grace and people who connected with my soul when it was at its worst, I made it out of the darkness. They lived the toughest part of those one another's with my life. Otherwise, I would still be there. Look around you. Who do you know that is in the pit right now? Someone who desperately needs someone to connect with the depths of their soul. Show them you really believe this stuff. Show them your "one another's." It is time to engage!
The brokenness God has brought me through has forever marked me. By God's grace, I will never live in soulless community again. My prayer for you is spiritual brokenness and the discovery of a group of people who will truly engage with your soul and live these one another's with you.
