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Q & A

Q & A Discussion: Reid Smith

Our group members often bring visitors. What is the best way to incorporate these new members without interrupting the group's intimacy and momentum?

Reid Smith responds in our Q & A discussion.

Topics:	Group dynamics, Growth, numerical, Guests, Multiplication, Open groups, Recruiting members, Trust
Filters:	Group Leader, Host, Member, New Member, Train
Purpose:	Evangelism
References:	Philippians 2:25-30
Date Added:	August 19, 2008

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First off, it's awesome that your group members are very focused on evangelism and are bringing new people to your group meetings. This is vital for groups to stay healthy and balanced, and unfortunately not all groups get to experience that.

The belief that new members actually interrupt a small group's intimacy and momentum is largely unsubstantiated and unbiblical. It is a false premise that has become popular in much of small-group ideology because that's what many expect would happen. On the contrary, new members feed into a group's intimacy and momentum. The idea they take away from it comes out of a kind of thinking that is protective, hoarding, territorial, and self-focused.

I've actually observed that the groups with the greatest intimacy and momentum are the ones that uninhibitedly incorporate new members into their fellowship. The Lord brings life into small groups that let his grace flow in and though them. This also protects your group from spiritual stalemates and relational irritants like pettiness or preoccupation with non-essential theological issues.

That said, there are things you can be sensitive to as the small-group leader that will help your group to naturally embrace and include new members:

Warmly welcome newcomers into your group. Learn a little about them as you greet them and walk them into your gathering space. Do your best to remember facts they share about who they are, their family and friends, and how they found your group. On this note, one of most simple and powerful ways of helping a newcomer feel at home in your group is to call them by their first name each time you refer to them. Connect them with a few people as they come in and help to strike up conversations before your study begins.
Do not focus on them. Most guests like to be acknowledged—they just do not like to stand out or be spotlighted in front of a group. If you keep things normal, the group will feel more natural and comfortable to newcomers.
Do not over-accommodate. Just be yourself and allow the group to be itself. For example, do not hesitate to pray or worship in your group if newcomers are present. Sometimes this is exactly what God uses to gather spiritually-unconvinced people to himself (see Acts 2:46-47.) If somebody needs prayer, pray for them. If you are going to worship, just do it. Do not attempt to explain it for newcomers. They want to see things how they really are and would rather not have you disrupt the flow of what you do on their account.
Facilitate relationships. The more people your guests sense a possible connection with, the more likely it is they will want to return. So help newcomers get to know a few others in your group. The likelihood of newcomers returning increases by at least 50 percent if they experience a sense of belonging through their connection with others. This can be cultivated by highlighting things your guests hold in common with other group members, and by conducting timely follow-up.
Exploit their interests. Find out what subjects your guests have an enthusiasm or expertise in and talk about those! People like to talk about things they know about. Newcomers will feel more empowered and comfortable talking about the things of interest to them. If you listen with interest, you will show that you are interested in them as a person, and they will not feel like a project.
Hang out. When you have guests, leave plenty of time for people to socialize at the tail-end of your group. Newcomers tend to be more interested in being personal toward the end of a group, rather than the beginning. Use this time to introduce your group members to the guests, and to facilitate relaxed conversations.
Follow up. Follow up with newcomers before your next meeting to let them know you hope to see them again. If a guest came with somebody, encourage their friend to welcome them back. Sometimes group leaders hold off from following up in this way because they're afraid of being intrusive or coming across as pushy. In reality, guests appreciate this act of kindness, and it makes your group more inviting overall. If you do not risk the remote possibility of coming across as intrusive in your follow-up, newcomers may feel like they are intruding.