Q & A
Q & A Discussion: Bill Search
As a group a leader, how should I handle superfluous prayer requests?
| Topics: | Distractions, Group dynamics, Intercession, Prayer |
| Filters: | Group Leader, Member, Prayer groups, Train |
| Purpose: | Discipleship |
| References: |  |
| Date Added: | December 08, 2008 |
Let's face it, prayer time can be the most intimate, bonding experience of a group—or it can be the most superficial, dull time for the group. We've all been in the room when someone shared something so personal that everyone grew intensely silent. A moral failure that might wreck a marriage. A job that might not be there in two weeks. A cancer test that came back positive. It's at those moments that we are drawn closer to one another. We begin to share each other's stories.
On the other hand, there are those prayer times when some shares something so bogus or ridiculous that we don't know how to respond. Like when someone asks for prayer for their half-million dollar house to sell because they just moved into a three-quarter-million dollar house. Or when a group member asks for prayer for a friend's mother's neighbor whose name they don't know—or for pets. It's at those moments we want to scream, "Do you really want us to pray for this, or are you just filling the quiet moments with empty words?"
Here's a few things you can do to keep your prayer time productive and on track:
- Establish the prayer request "ground-rules" during the first couple of meetings and revisit the rules when necessary.
- Ask group members to commit to sharing only the personal matters that really concern them. If they don't pray about the request in their personal time, don't ask the group to pray for it.
- No prayer requests for pets or other animals unless they eat your food, go on vacation with you, and you consider them part of the family.
- Keep it simple and brief. If it takes ten minutes per person to share prayer requests, it will take 2 hours for a group of 12 people to go around the circle.
Prayer time should be a space that increases the relational connection of group members, while also helping the group grow closer to God. It's important to put good effort into something so vital.
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I really like the second sentence of point two. This is the guideline I have used for a long time. When we did not set any guidelines, we had a girl in my high school youth group who gave a prayer request every week, just for the sake on doing so. One week she asked that we would keep in our prayers that week that her hair would turn out well for prom. This kind of request trivializes the important struggles that we need to be helping other group members through.
I love the mixed responses here. I'm not as structured as my structured guidelines suggest. However, with a free for all prayer time can get bogged down in the ridiculous. Certainly it's a wonderful idea to set aside some groups meetings for longer prayer time. And I like Barry's suggestion that you just start praying. The great thing is that over time the prayer time can become the most personally revealing portion of the group. It's when a couple might share their marital trouble, or the single dad his challenges in splitting custody, or the guy desperate to find work. It's not that guidelines restrict, it's that they give permission to share what really matters to the person sharing the request.
I do not believe it is our responsibility or position to start telling people what they can and cannot pray for. In fact, an effective prayer time is what is missing from some churches today. Maybe that is why so many spend time on it at small group? We have had entire small group time dedicated to prayer only and those have been some of the best small groups we have had. Of course the best is when we return a week later to small group and God brought answers, healing and peace because his people were willing to bring it all to the throne of Grace. Thankful for our samll group and everyone who attends.
We need to be sensitive to the individual and their needs. The guidelines are great but some people may not know what to pray and they do the best they can. Be kind and don't judge anothers motive on what their pray is concerning it may be very important to them.
Here's a simple solution. Don't take prayer requests, it's just a list making exercise. Just go to prayer and have those with concerns lead out in a conversational manner...giving enough details for others to understand the prayer item and agree with them in faith. If someone isn't willing to bring it up in prayer, then it's just a chatting item.
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