Delayed Multiplication

Discussion

Darryl's Dilemma

What to do when a multiplication plan is set but something comes up in the group.

Topics:	Birthing groups, Burnout, Communication, Community, Multiplication, Preparation
Filters:	Coach, Group Leader, Train
Purpose:	Fellowship
Date Added:	April 12, 2005

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Total Reader Responses: 0 (see below)

Darryl's small group had been going great. There have been several new people enter the group in the past year. There's been spiritual transformation of group members. And, there's been new leader development occurring. In fact, the group embraced the idea of multiplying the group a few months ago and set a multiplication plan into motion. Everything was going great until a couple of months ago when Darryl and his group got the shocking news that one of the core group members had been diagnosed with a terminal disease and may only have a few months to live. Since that time, the group has rallied around this member's family. And while Darryl feels that God put this family into their group so they could care for them during this time, the focus and energy of this need has completely distracted the group away from its planned multiplication. In fact, the chronic illness of this member has distracted the group from most of its covenanted purposes. For now, Darryl's content to let the group serve as a pillar of support for one of its members in great need but he's not sure how long the group can sustain this level of care before some of the group members grow weary. Already some of the newer group members have become disillusioned and started to leave the group.

If you were Darryl, how would you handle this dilemma?

Talk with the sick group member and tell them of your plans, which are:

The multiplication programme needs to continue yet the sick person needs to be cared for.

3 or 4 longstanding members of the group will take on the responsibility of taking on the care of the sick member releasing the rest of the group to continue their journey.

Darren should meet with the carers on a regular basis to ensure they are not becoming weary. If this is the case then perhaps 2 of them at a time should be replaced by other members of the group who will now be able to approach the situation from a better place.

Mick Brookes, Kings Community Church

This is a great illustration of the tension that rises for many group leaders, the tension between personal care of individual members and the call to shepherd the flock. My notion in this case is that this event may be drawing the birthing lines within the group. Since this is a terminal illness the time frame of care and the following greiving process could be long enough to do irreversible damage to the group structure. As a mature group leader Daryl can see this and may need to reconsider his calling as to "which group" he is to lead. Potentially, this would be an opportunity for Darryl to lead a new group of those members who are not as deeply connected to the ill member. He could shepeherd this new flock for a season, in which a new leader could be developed, while still maintaining the integrity of the group leader for the core group as well. If this is not an viable option, Darryl at least, need to attempt to connect the newer member to another group where they can be ministered to.

Jay Daniell, Our Savior Lutheran

It is great that the group can serve as a pillar of support for the member who is sick. And it is okay that the multiplication plans are temporarily on hold. Multiplying takes a lot of energy, so now is not the time. But now IS the time to evaluate their priorities and establish a new, short term covenant.

The important thing for Darryl is to ensure the the healthy members are taken care of so that they don't experience burn out while supporting their sick friend. The group needs to take regular breaks from giving. This can take the form of social evenings, short retreats, or any type of interaction that does not focus on the heaviness of their friend's illness, but rather focused on giving thanks for what they have and enjoy. It's also critical that they continue to laugh together, including the sick friend. The bottomline for the group is to not try to make their beloved friend feel better, but to share the last few months of life with their friend.

This is also a perfect time to address issues of friendship, saying goodbye, mourning with those who mourn, and what their group means to them.

Darryl can extend an invitation to the newer members who have recently left to return and experience these life-on-life relationships together. But it's up to them to choose.

Henry Chou, Waterloo Mennonite Brethren Church

If I were Darryl I would bring the group together and ask which members would like to support the ministry of caring. These members would stay together and support the couple who needs them at this time. However, I would also encourage some members to take upon themselves the caring of the new members who also need help in another way. They need support as all young believers do. Satan can cause you to see only what is in front of you but God sees the future with these new group members. We cannot allow ourselves to become ingrown because of sickness. The couple needs the support but I would inform them that the new group is forming and ask the core person, who is diagnosed with a terminal disease, to give their blessing upon this new group and name it for Christ. Maybe they could name the group after a nickname or special ministry that the core couple had together. This way they would be remembered and something good would be accomplished.

Michele Morgan, Paxtonville UMC