Small Groups and Reality TV

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What bad television can teach us about good community

Matt Graybill | posted 7/19/2010

Topics:	Authenticity, Purpose, Relationships, Values, Vision
Filters:	Coach, Group Leader, Group Member, Lead
Purpose:	Fellowship
References:	Matthew 6:24 , Luke 16:13
Date Added:	July 19, 2010

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My wife and I love watching The Biggest Loser. Perhaps you have a favorite reality show, too—something like Survivor, American Idol, Amazing Race, or The Apprentice.

It's amazing how we naturally associate with one or two people on the show and hope they make it to the finals, win the competition, or make it through to the next round. We have our favorite player and we fill up with anxiety or sit in fear of a mistake when we watch them perform. On the flip side, we cheer equally as hard for the person we can't stand. We get excited if they mess up or they're voted off.

A Craving for Fame to a Craving for Community

What I find interesting is that people audition for these shows with the purpose to win not only American hearts, but money, fame, and honor. They start out with a purpose to win, but what happens during the course of the show is that they live in community with others. And community in some ways disrupts their purpose. They start creating alliances with others or developing friendships—often to the point where they feel bad when someone gets voted off or eliminated from the show. They start to say things like, "Don't take it personal," or "You know I love you like a brother, but I had to write your name down."

We witness the tension between two desires: Do I want what is best for community? Or do I go for the win?

With all of these shows, competition and pride ultimately bring the community down. The purpose is to win, for the contestant to feel that they are better than everyone else in the group and that is why they should reign as champion—at least for that season. The theme is focused on the individual winning and rising above the rest. We then celebrate that individual or couple who has risen above all others.

Growing with God and Others

Small groups are a place where people meet true reality. We're on a journey where we experience both the joys and the obstacles of life—all while trying to maintain focus. It's in a small group where we form a real alliance, one that says we will commit our lives to God and each other no matter what lies ahead.

But if we were honest, sometimes our groups look like a reality TV show.

Obviously, our purpose in a small group isn't to vote people out of the group because they're a weak player or because they're competition. Our purpose is to be a community—a gathering of people that are committed to growing in their relationships with God, others in the group, and the community in which they find themselves.

Still, it can be easy to hear someone express a struggle they are going through, and then the rest of the group sits there like Simon Cowell, shaking their heads thinking, What a loser. Maybe we don't use those exact words, but it's easy to think of ourselves as better than others. When we do this, we create a wedge between that person and ourselves, and it inhibits community.

As sinners we will continually wrestle with loving ourselves vs. loving God and others. But as we look at the small group Jesus so often found himself in with the disciples, we see him constantly focused on loving the hearts of the disciples and those in the community he was in. Jesus knew his purpose.

So, what is our purpose? Is it a love of self, or a love for God and others? Sure some of us are at the receiving end of that love, but receiving doesn't mean that the flow of love stops with us. We read throughout the Scriptures that Jesus brings healing and then says, "Now go!" Go and tell others how I've changed you. Go and love those who have wronged you. Go and share your story with others.

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John from Oneida

July 23, 2010 8:44am

What reality shows depict is the age old struggle of self-advancement versus grace. When we focus on self, we do so because we do not trust that others have our best interests at heart. Grace on the other hand does put others interests first, because grace is self-sacrificing. Community cannot be fostered or built where we are more concerned about ourselves than those around us. This is true whether we want to establish and foster community with God, community within a marriage or family, or with a small group or neighbors. Community can only be fostered where grace is found, and trusted that it will not be abused – regardless of how many good community building activities we engage in, whether they be church socials or small group gatherings. The best way to kill community is to turn off the flow of grace one to another. That will immediately kill our community with God and with those around us. The parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18 is an example of this.