Why Dividing Small Groups Is a Dumb Idea

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A commonsense look at a highly debated principle of small-group life

Larry Osborne | posted 9/01/2008

Topics:	Community, Connecting, Division of groups, Ending groups, Friendship, Relationships, Splitting groups
Filters:	Coach, Discipleship groups, Group Leader, Pastor, Train
Purpose:	Discipleship
References:	Proverbs 18:24 , Hebrews 10:25
Date Added:	September 01, 2008

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That's one of the major reasons why so many small group ministries built on this pattern seem to go through a significant re-visioning or re-engineering every three to five years. Not realizing the negative effects of continually dividing their groups, churches keep retooling them with the latest hot curriculum, new idea, or novel structure, only to do it again a few years later.

Here are just a few of the most significant problems that dividing to multiply creates.

Relational Overload

I like to say that people are a lot like Legos. Some of us have lots of connectors; some have few. But once those connectors are filled, our capacity for close and significant relationships is maxed out.

We're friendly, but we don't connect. We can't. We're already relationally full.

Small-group ministries that continually divide their existing groups to form new groups ignore this principle. It's inevitable that after a few cycles of splitting healthy groups, the quality of the relationships within the new groups starts to dissipate. That's because members who agree to keep spinning off into new groups have fewer and fewer connectors available with the start of each new group. They may have plenty of physical openings in their group, but they usually have few if any emotional openings in their lives.

The result is a predictable clash of expectations. The newest members join hoping to develop significant relationships. But most of the holdovers aren't looking to fill a relational vacuum. They just want a Bible study with a few new friends. That explains why those who join a group in which half or more of the members come from a previously existing group so often complain that the group is a bit cliquish and hard to break into. In most cases the problem isn't cliquishness. It's a differing set of relational needs, expectations, and capacities.

Certainly, there are some people who are adept at quickly jettisoning old relationships and adding new ones to their inner circle. Like social butterflies, they thrive in an environment of constantly changing relationships. But most of us aren't very good at it. And most of us have no desire to become good at it.

A Lesson from Camp Pendleton

Another unintended consequence of expecting groups to continually divide and multiply for the good of the cause is that it eventually leads to shallower, not deeper, relationships across the board.

When relationships are predictably transitional, most of us instinctively find ways to avoid or lessen the pain of separation. It's human nature. Our church is near a marine base known as Camp Pendleton. Thousands of military families live on base and nearby. Typically, the military moves these families every three years or so, often from West Coast to East Coast. Some families thrive on it. They love the adventure. Others struggle with it. They hate the constant disruption and inability to put down roots.

But I've noticed something that both groups have in common. After a couple of cross-country moves, they learn to keep new relationships at a safe distance. It's not that they aren't friendly. They are. But they also know it won't be long until it's time to pick up and move again. So rather than set themselves up to be hurt too badly when the time comes to say good-bye, they tend to keep most relationships at arm's length—close but not too close. It hurts less that way.

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April 30, 2009 12:09 PM

Lisa Congo

Wow...I totally and completely disagree with most of this article. I do think if multiplying is dome carelessly and uncompassionately, it is very dangerous and potenitall destructive. But I have been a part of leading groups that have been birthing for the past 4 years and it has been a wonderful experience. It is painful...but is that a bad thing? I think the key to this whole topic is HOW small groups are birthed and the leadership of these groups during the birthing process. Careful, compassionate, wise and thoughtful small group midwivery has made this process incredibly valuable for our groups. Here's the deal, at some point groups that are connecting well inevitably grow and get ungangly because of its size. Read the signs well and the group will beging communicating it is ready for a birthing. Not birthing can be just as detrimental. On a side note, I find it offensive to be told that a ministry I have been leading for years, effectively is "dumb".

July 27, 2009 2:34 PM

Bob

This article articulates something I've felt for a long time. It takes time, (years, even) for a true small group to come together. The lego/relationship image is priceless! If you're a small group pastor at a large church, your mantra should be New Groups for New People! Let the successful groups continue to mature! If they grow "stagnant," they'll end on their own. If they become too large, they'll self-regulate (i.e. people will stay or leave based on the benefits they derive). Don't overmanage, especially, don't overmanage the successful groups.

August 03, 2009 11:01 PM

Randall Neighbour

Michael Mack (the founder of smallgroups.com) has a great way of viewing small groups and group expansion. The parents in the group (leaders) do everything in their power to raise the young ones (members) into strong young adults who naturally want to move out of the house and start a spiritual family on their own. Staying at home well past a certain age is just weird, isn't it? Why Christians think they should stay in their small group forever is just as weird. What Larry completely ignores in this chapter of his book is the fact that small groups are not little collection cups for the Sunday service attendees. They are the church! Small group members should be trained and released for ministry. When this is done effectively, they naturally want to move out of their group and start a family of their own, just like a young adult. Forcing a group of consumer Christians to divorce is indeed dumb. Challenging the members to grow up and move out of their spiritual house is smart.