When Is a Small Group Just Another Meeting?

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And what should you do about it?

Sam O'Neal | posted 5/07/2008

Topics:	Closure, Ending groups, Frustration, Life cycles, Priorities
Filters:	Group Leader, Member, Train
Purpose:	Discipleship
References:	Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Date Added:	May 07, 2008

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I'm going to attempt to paraphrase a story I heard at a small-groups conference a little over a year ago, so please bear with me. The conference was the 2007 Purpose-Driven Small Groups gala at Saddleback Church, and the speaker was Randy Frazee. The story centered on Frazee's first attempt at small-group ministry as the senior pastor of a large church in suburbs of Fort Worth, Texas.

Being the senior pastor, Frazee wanted to make sure that his small group was an example of excellence for the rest of the church to follow. So after much prayer and deliberation, he and his wife invited the most spiritual couple in the church to serve as co-leaders, and then the most athletic, most attractive, most intelligent, and most wealthy couples to round out the group. They called it their "Super Small Group."

The only problem was that the couples' homes were spread out over several miles, which meant that Frazee and his wife had to travel between 25 and 40 minutes each way to get to their group meeting every week. After a while, the added time (and added money spent on childcare) began to take its toll. Still, the Frazees persevered, and the Super Group settled into a regular and comfortable routine.

About this time, however, Frazee's new next-door neighbor—a real whiz at hospitality and socializing—began organizing regular get-togethers within the neighborhood. Soon, the little community was coming together at least once a week to play games, share food, chat, and pretty much experience a suburban version of Acts 2:42 (minus the selling of property, of course). Consequently, Frazee's Super Small Group became less and less appealing in light of what was happening in his own back yard.

He described one specific occasion when the next-door neighbor set up a street-wide potluck event. The evening of this event happened to coincide with the meeting time of the Super Small Group. Frazee described his sense of loss as he and his wife pulled out of their driveway and watched children playing kickball in the street, men playing horseshoes across a front lawn, families gathered together over steaming plates of fried chicken and cool glasses of lemonade, and so on. (As Frazee told the story, I got a picture in my mind of a penniless child looking through a candy-shop window, both hands pressed longingly against the glass, as several of his friends filled up bags and bags of sweet confections.)

Tough Questions

It was a great story, and I'm sure I haven't done it justice, here. But that was when I first began to ask myself the question: When does a small group become just another meeting? When does a community of spiritual friends devolve into just another obligation?

These questions were especially meaningful to me at the time, because my wife and I were experiencing a similar type of frustration with our own Super Small Group. Two things contributed to our aggravation: 1) We had recently moved 45 minutes away from our church to live with my wife's parents (and escape the high rental prices of suburban Chicago), and 2) Our infant son was becoming increasingly mobile, self-willed, and loud.

Week after week, Jess and I would rush through dinner and load up our minivan with bags of diapers, wipes, books, toys, and spare clothes. Then we would leave at 6 to make our stop-and-go trek toward the home of the group's host couple, my wife often scrambling to write down answers to the week's homework questions as I drove. Having arrived, one of us would begin mingling with the group, while the other took our son to a spare room to keep him occupied and (relatively) quiet. After an hour or so, we'd switch places.

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