Understanding Conflict in Small Groups

Articles

Home > Articles > 2008 > Understanding Conflict in Small Groups

Practical information that will help you prepare for that inevitable clash

Abigail Johnson | posted 4/16/2008

Topics:	Conflict, Confrontation, Difficult people, Fighting, Group dynamics
Filters:	Group Leader, Lead, Member
Purpose:	Discipleship
References:	Matthew 18:15-18 , 2 Corinthians 12:20 , Ephesians 4:3
Date Added:	April 16, 2008

1 of 2

Depending on how conflict was dealt with in our families—and depending on our own conflict style—we may be more or less comfortable with this area of small-group life. Personally, I assume that conflict is a normal part of all human interactions. Nonetheless, some types of conflictive behavior are easier to deal with than others.

When interacting with my family, I prefer a forthright sharing of feelings and thoughts with all parties committed to finding a solution. I do not like name-calling, temper tantrums, and shouting. But other family members like to have a good fight with lots of theatrics, floods of tears (called "a good cry"), and a cathartic act of making up to round everything off. As a family, we have learned how to deal with the differences in our conflict behaviors and styles, although this learning is an ongoing process.

In a small group, each person brings his or her own conflict styles and preferences from a unique family background. Some people prefer peace at any cost, so their style may be avoidance. Some people have a more persuasive style and feel compelled to convert others to their point of view. Others with an assertive style simply like to wade into an argument and get excited when a discussion heats up.

That's why it's vital to talk about how the group would like to deal with conflict when setting up a covenant in the first gatherings.

Levels of Conflict

In her book How to Mobilize Church Volunteers, Marlene Wilson suggests a helpful approach to conflict within groups and congregations. She highlights four levels of conflict and how they may be addressed.

A first level of conflict is informational. People do not have the same information, and a simple exchange of facts and sharing of conflicting viewpoints is sufficient to clear up any misunderstanding.
A second level of conflict occurs when people disagree about how things are to be done. Brainstorming or problem solving is a good approach that encourages input on how the group might proceed.
At the third level of conflict, differences are evident in why we do things the way we do. This level needs more attention and may require a time apart for deeper discussion, or an outside mediator.
At the fourth level of conflict, dearly held ideals, beliefs, and values are in opposition. This can be the most difficult area of disagreement and requires finding common ground before proceeding.

Addressing Conflict

In my experience, small groups dedicated to theological reflection rarely get to levels three and four because the reasons for members' involvement in the group—and the underlying assumptions about the group and its processes—are clearly laid out at the beginning. Certainly a variety of theological viewpoints will be represented, so encouraging an environment of respectful sharing that assumes theological differences does increase the possibility of fourth-level conflict.

But groups typically get bogged down in Level 1 and Level 2 conflict. Level 1 is easily addressed by clarifying information. But Level 2 needs a little more attention. Here's an example of Level 2 conflict at work:

Stella had become very frustrated because she thought another member of the group, Alex, needed to claim a lot of the group's attention. When Stella finally expressed her views, because she felt that Alex was getting in the way of group discussion, Alex was understandably upset. He wanted to know whether others felt the same way. Feedback from others indicated that they had observed a similar pattern in Alex but had not reacted as strongly as Stella had.

next page … |

1 of 2