The Challenge of Challenging People

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Small groups with severely wounded people can be a great success if you stick to some trusted principles.

by Pat J. Sikora | posted 5/25/2007

Topics:	Accountability, Confidentiality, Covenant, Leadership, Life-change, Starting groups
Filters:	Facilitator, Leader, Recovery groups, Start, Support groups, Teacher
Purpose:	Discipleship
References:	Proverbs 12:18
Date Added:	May 25, 2007

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For most people, leading a group with one or two challenging people is more than they bargained for. But it can be done. In fact, as you gain skills and become more comfortable dealing with various types of challenging people, you might consider leading a group of people who don't seem to fit anywhere else. I first tried this because of my personal ministry to women who have been profoundly abused.

Whether we talk about it openly or not, many people in this country—even Christians—have suffered abuse, neglect, or other challenges while growing up. Often, these people find it difficult to fit in with a small group. They lack both the interpersonal and group skills necessary for success. Yet, who more than these wounded ones can benefit from the ministry of a small group? Just remember, a group can either heal or harm—depending on the skill and sensitivity of the leader.

As I've led groups of severely wounded women, I've learned several keys about what works and what doesn't.

Be sure you have a co-leader.

While I always prefer to have a co-leader, with a group of challenging people, it's essential. You'll need the expertise of another skilled person, and it's important to have someone who can report truth to church leadership or others, should that ever be necessary.

Be clear and open when inviting participants.

Many wounded people already have had problems being part of a group, whether Christian or secular. They already feel ostracized. So I'm pretty open when I choose to lead a group of challenging people. I let them know that, in addition to Bible study, we'll be developing good group skills. Most people are eager for this.

Keepit small.

A skilled leader might be able to lead a group of six to ten members, but when dealing with challenging people, limit it to four. It's OK. It'll feel like ten! You want plenty of time to do the study and to process group issues. Plus, you can expect countless distractions that will reduce your effectiveness.

Agree to the rules in advance.

I like to use a group covenant that members read, discuss, and sign. This covenant includes meeting times, attendance and punctuality expectations, goals, confidentiality requirements, boundaries, limitations on discussion, and anything else you expect to be an issue.

Members need to clearly understand your expectations and also share theirs. However, I tend to be a bit more assertive in groups like this.

Stress attendance and punctuality.

It's important to be clear about your expectations for both attendance and punctuality. Challenging people always have something come up. Their car breaks down, their kids get sick, they get sick, their favorite TV program is on, and so on. They need to understand that their absence creates a hole in the group. They also need to understand that arriving late or leaving early is disruptive.

As the leader, make sure to start on time, regardless of who is there. And try very hard to end on time, regardless of how much is left to cover. Sometimes it's helpful to schedule the first 15 minutes to 20 minutes for visiting, but clarify when members are expected to arrive and when the study or worship will begin. Talk about attendance and punctuality often and affirm those who improve in their consistency.

In one group of ten challenging people I co-led several years ago (before I had the experience to know that ten was a legion), we had a covenant for attendance. In ten weeks we had only one absence! When that one person missed a meeting, everyone else saw how important each was to the group dynamics. With only four people in the group, attendance is even more critical. While encouraging people to attend consistently and arrive on time, be realistic and learn to flex. This group will probably have a lot of attendance and punctuality issues.

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