Changing Lines Into Circles

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Integrate your relationships to make them more effective.

by Randy Frazee | posted 9/13/2004

Topics:	Community, Connecting, Fellowship, Friendship, Relationships
Filters:	Connect, Host, Member, New Member
Purpose:	Fellowship
References:	Luke 10:38-42
Date Added:	September 13, 2004

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Lifestyles today make integrated and interdependent relationships hard to create and maintain. The absence of this interdependence makes us hunger for community. Most of us manage "linear relationships."

Randy Frazee, author of The Connecting Church, describes linear relationships as running "from one relational unit to another. As you exit one world and enter another, there may be some mention of the people you just left behind, but essentially they are not connected to the present world in any meaningful way" (Making Room for Life, pg. 47).

It is unlikely that you'll be fully known unless other people in your worlds know each other and interact in frequent and meaningful ways. This interaction stands in stark contrast to a linear arrangement, by which an individual has numerous acquaintances whom they really don't know.

Many small group experiences are only a continuation of linear relationships. If your group meets once a week or twice a month for Bible study and fellowship, you may be sharing only one side of yourself. How do you move beyond this linear expression and into a circular relationship through which people will see other sides of you?

Consider some of these suggestions to create more circular relationships:

Eliminate unnecessary circles. To simplify life, you may need to remove some "worlds" that are making your life stressful and hard to integrate.
Combine the purposes of two or more circles. If you have a particular hobby or like to exercise a certain way, why not invite a few people from an existing relationship pod to begin participating with you as opposed to forming another activity pod. You will be amazed at the resulting accountability, inside jokes, and shared memories.
Invite members of one world to another. Invite people to your regular activities. These invitations allow people from work, church, and your neighborhood to start to get to know each other.
Share meals. Hosting a regular meal creates allows you to casually invite people from your various worlds without additional preparation and without needless embarrassment if people can't come. Consider sharing the hosting of meals.
Create a hang out. Why do bad guys always have hangouts? Can't the good guys have them, too? Consider making your den, garage, porch, or front yard a hangout where people are invited just to hang. If this seems too unstructured for you, break out some table games or play charades, adults and children together.
Neighborhood watch. Watch for those who do not know their neighbors. Consider organizing a neighborhood watch, or host a get-to-know-your-neighbor night.
Guys/Ladies Night Out. For variety, consider having a Ladies Night Out where all the ladies in a neighborhood go out for dinner and a movie or shopping. Dads agree to watch the kids together. Men can enjoy a similar night out together, perhaps at a sporting event.
Become a fan club. If your children's sports are a big thing, why not start a fan club and invite neighbors to a local game? Have a victory gathering afterward.
Participate in daily tasks together. Your lawn needs to be mowed. Why do it alone? Offer to help someone with their lawn if they will help you with yours. Shopping, cooking, or laundry can work the same way. Doing busy work together transforms tedium into fun.

Randy Frazee is founder of The Connecting Church and author of Making Room for Life and The Connecting Church. The Connecting Church Association exists for the purpose of helping you build biblical community. Please send your ideas about trading lines for circles to info@theconnectingchurch.org. We would love to hear from you!

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USER REVIEWS

Average User Rating:

December 28, 2008 2:10 AM

Mark Pearse (Registered User)

Some really practical hints on how to connect with people without adding more time commitments into your life.

February 02, 2009 2:01 PM

Paul Wright

The author has some very practical suggestions for dealing with conflict. This process will not be easy and it will take some time to learn. Some personal issues may need to be handled outside of the group before safety can again be reached. Some conflicts may be bigger than the group can handle at the moment, yet it will still provide learning. Growing in grace is a process!